The conversation quickly shies away from Jules' mother though, returning to a desire to get off hormones particularly, hormone blockers. Thinking on this, Jules wonders if Rue's love isn't the kind that a mother should have, automatic, instant acceptance and love of the core individual just for existing. Nichols then points out that Rue doesn't do this, prompting Jules to not only agree but to describe Rue's ability to see the "real" Jules deep beneath it all, something Dr. Jules mentions their examination of the body, hair, clothes (even where the clothes were purchased from), all the way down to staring subtly at the hands and fingers for any imperfection of nail polish or other such flaw, a process that Jules refers to as "terrifying". Nichols prompts further, and Jules laments that women, when meeting another woman, examine them, check their femininity against the ideal, and categorize them on a hierarchy of success upon which they treat the person accordingly. Pondering it, Jules agrees that it is indeed reactive, that the "real" Jules is somewhere buried under a million pieces from other people that have formed an outer shell, a persona.ĭr. Nichols to question whether Jules' personality is truly that "reactive". Expounding upon this, Jules refers to constructing an entire identity around what men supposedly desire, prompting Dr. Nichols asks whether de-transitioning has been well thought-out, but Jules' main response is that "I feel like I've framed my entire womanhood around men". Mardy Nichols opens by questioning why Jules ran away, although Jules simply claimed to have been "reacting to shit" and is focused singularly on getting off hormones. Jules is grounded and in a therapy session, which Dr. Over the Christmas holiday, Jules reflects on the year.
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